You gravitate most to the limiting self talk character called the Should Monster. When healed, your new name is the One Who Lives From The Heart.
The Should Monster is called a "monster" because it is not necessarily attached to the pressure of a real human being. Rather, it is a nebulous voice made up of societal pressures, the "status quo" that is constantly nagging you, telling you what you "should" be doing. For some people, this looks like overlooking their own needs to meet the needs of their loved ones. For others, it means fear of missing out on the adventure that is life.
While growing up, the question "how do I get love and stay safe" might have been answered with "by doing what I am obligated to do." The Should Monster also struggles with scarcity, the idea that there is never enough time or enough love to go around. He often struggles with never feeling content. This is the character that will exhaust you the most. If the Should Monster has been talking to you all day, you might go to bed at night feeling like you didn't do enough with your limited time and feeling overwhelmed at the thought of it starting over again tomorrow.
Examples of limiting self talk the Should Monster narrates:
- It's not responsible of me to take care of myself and rest.
- Any thoughts with the word "should" or "shouldn't" in it.
- If I keep myself busy enough, I won't have to feel any pain.
- I will never have enough to be content.
- There are not enough hours in the day.
- There is not enough love to go around.
- I only get love if I am helping.
Foundational Fear: Living a fruitless life.
Redemptive Gift: Our greatest weakness becomes our greatest strength when healed. When you overcome your narrative of "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts", the gift you will bring to the world is the freedom to rest in the love that sustains you. Of all the self talk characters, in your redeemed state you will learn to live out the serenity prayer: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
The Path Toward Hope: We can become a compassionate observer of our inner landscape and notice when these thoughts arise. We can ask the Should Monster why he is showing up at certain times and bring healing to him.
To get over your addiction to LST (Limiting Self Talk), make your thoughts NEW.
Notice and Name when your actions and relationships are being attacked by "shoulds."
Envision what you would feel like and how your life would change if you replaced those thoughts. What would it feel like to do things out of wonder and curiosity instead of obligation? How would your life change if you allowed yourself to rest?
Whirl that negative thought around 180°, generating a positive thought to replace the limiting thought.
180° thought: It's okay to ask myself what I desire. It's okay to rest.
Inner Healing Assignment: Take a "day of rest" where you do not do anything that you don't want to do. Take yourself out to eat, go to an art museum, or go on a hike and look closely at a flower. Don't look at your phone or check your email. Journal about your inner journey with God. Leave all your duties by the wayside. All you need to do today is be a human being, not a human doing. Can you carve out time to make this a regular occurrence in your life, even if it is only for an afternoon a week or a day a month? Taking a day of rest is one of the best ways to combat the Should Monster.